I enjoy that. But my happiness does not depend on it. There is even a bigger, unexpected benefit to the new version filtered through self-love: this new list feels real, achievable, and believable to me. Because it is based on truth I have gathered about myself. This, of course, increases its power and my faith in it even more. Since I wrote my new list almost three months ago, I feel relaxed in the knowledge that the right partner will show up when he is due. Not a minute sooner or later. And I have no control over that. I kick back and live my life, enjoy relationships, grow through them, and do not make the guys I date the potential father of my children right away.
I let them reveal who they are and I reveal who I am in time, and see if there is enough overlap for us to continue. If you had told me two years ago that I could relax into the arms of the Universe to lead me to my ideal partner, I would not have believed you. Even though the price of this wisdom was high, I still feel grateful for all my heartaches and disappointments.
Through my experiences, I found invaluable pieces of me that I will never give away. If I am here today, enjoying the peace of this knowing, anyone can get here. Here are a few steps to get you going in that direction.
See what excites you. What kind of a life do you imagine having if all your wishes came true? Get a little notebook to carry with you at all times and write down everything about you. I like that. And so does she. That is the gateway to knowing what to look for in a partner who is ideal for you. What makes you feel cared about? What pisses you off to no end?
What do you do when you feel sad, lonely, or desperate?
What to Look For in a Partner
Who do you share your joys with? What kind of a response do you like to get for them? How do you find inspiration in life? What takes away your trust and what keeps it strong? Knowing the answers to these questions will help you know what would keep you happy or what would not take away from the happiness that you create for yourself.
Write this report on yourself from a place of getting to know the person who has lived on this planet, in this body all these years. It is meant to be a loving mirror of who you are, what tickles you, and what takes away your joy.
Choose Wisely: Your Guide to Finding the Right Person to Marry
It could take days or weeks to complete. Allow yourself to enjoy the process of getting to know yourself. Write this new list as a celebration of who you are based on what you find out, accept, and love about yourself. That combination is irresistible! Couple silhouette via Shutterstock. Banu is an intuitive coach and a healer.
Her passion is removing emotional, mental, and energetic splinters that create blocks to joy.
About the Author
You can connect with her on her website and her budding Facebook group Heart Alchemy Crusaders. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition.
Most likely you feel it in an instant. That's what I didn't realize back in my early 20s. I was fine with meeting different people — having fun in physical, unserious relationships. I didn't know what it meant to be in a loving relationship. But I was still young then. For most, it takes some degree of maturity to understand love. To know it when you feel it. If love makes you nervous, relax! Don't be terrified if you're feeling it early on in a relationship. It's a clear sign of something special. Be vulnerable. Accept the possibility of getting hurt or hurt again if you've been there before.
Otherwise, there's really no future with the two of you. That was a problem of mine before joining the Marines. Without self-confidence, you can't be in a true relationship. Women may like you — but won't see a potential partner if you seem unsure of yourself.
Thankfully, there are tricks to grow your self-confidence without inflating your ego. Letting them discuss their passions and interests. Soon enough, they'll be more comfortable around you and feel they can trust you. When trust is established — it opens the door for a serious relationship.
But not everyone is that lucky! I have one friend who moved to Denver, Colorado and knew nobody there. You know what he did? He took dance lessons at a country western bar as a total beginner. But after some time and practice, he can now rock the dance floor every time! And he has no trouble meeting women. I have one friend who met his now-wife using the Match site.
And since he's happily married, I'm sure he made the right decision setting up an account there. I didn't get to use it my wife and I met through other means. But if I had to start over as a single guy, I'd give it a try!
I'd download the app — it makes the whole process even more convenient. You could find a date this coming weekend from anywhere! Don't worry about coming across sketchy accounts. If you're too afraid of that — you'll never get to see all those legitimate profiles. You'll miss out on meeting some attractive, single women in your area.