Project Gutenberg is our favorite site with free ebooks. A Christmas poem first published by Clement C. Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. On Christmas Eve night, while his wife and children sleep, a man awakens to noises outside his house. Looking out the window, he sees St. Nicholas in an air-borne sleigh pulled by eight reindeer.
After landing his sleigh on the roof, the saint enters the house through the chimney, carrying a sack of toys with him. Lincoln, or stories adapted from the Bible. The Wood Nymph, Necile, breaks the law of the forest and takes the baby because she desires to raise a child of her own as mortals do, convincing Ak that since he made the law, he can allow an exception, and agrees to have both Necile and Shiegra care for the baby.
He knew that the best of children were sometimes naughty, and that the naughty ones were often good. It is the way with children, the world over, and he would not have changed their natures had he possessed the power to do so. A collection of 16 stories about Christmas.
It opens with Clement C. Unlike other books in this list, The White Christmas contains plays, not novellas or short stories. Scrooge himself is the embodiment of winter, and, just as winter is followed by spring and the renewal of life. Six thousand copies of the book were sold almost instantly. If you want a fresh look at Christmas, learning about the festive tradition in other countries but the US or UK is a good way to go. It was added to Project Gutenberg catalog in November To get more posts like this, please subscribe by RSS or email.
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We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f--king Kaye.
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And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. Things didn't happen as expected during their family's seasonal festivities:. Step one: Hold cheeks. Step two: Scream!!! Kevin's Macauley Culkin fretful mom and tormented tormentors definitely do not feel the holiday spirit, as the young boy single-handedly defends his home against burglers on Christmas Eve.
In a Northern Chicago Suburb. This family-oriented holiday comedy was written and produced by John Hughes and directed by Chris Columbus. Although it had a Christmas setting, it was not about the holiday itself, and has not been officially categorized as a "Christmas movie. The premise was very simple - and slightly plausible - a boy was left in his "home alone. However, the scene wasn't related to his predicament, but to the fact that he had just applied stinging shaving cream to his face.
He often screamed, though, at the sight of scary shovel-wielding neighbor Old Man Marley Roberts Blossom. His family members, including his father and mother, Peter and Kate McCallister John Heard and Catherine O'Hara and two older brothers and sisters, had all taken an early flight to Paris, France to spend the Christmas holidays.
The confused rush to leave was caused by an overnight power outage, high winds, and a late wake-up. At first, Kevin was pleased that his earlier wish had come true and that he had made his family disappear "This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone. Did you hear me? I'm living alone! He was able to do things usually forbidden, such as jumping on the bed, sledding down the stairs and out the front door, stealing his brother Buzz's Devin Ratray savings and using his air-rifle, watching late night TV including the hard-boiled noirish gangster film Angels with Filthy Souls , a takeoff on Angels With Dirty Faces , and eating junk food including ice-cream sundae gorging.
He was forced to defend his Chicago home "This is my house and I have to defend it" on Christmas Eve against The Wet Bandits "It's Santy Claus and his Elf" , who had been casing homes in the northern suburban neighborhood in a blue van:. Kevin asked the besieged pair: "Do you guys give up, or are you thirsty for more? The film ended with the family, after a circuitous route, returning home, and Buzz finding destruction in his room:.
The same 'A Christmas Carol' story, but with a new execution that features a green frog and a singing diva pig. This was the fourth feature-length Muppet movie the first three Muppet films were released from to , and the first Muppet movie to adapt and retell a classic story. The children's family film was directed by Brian Henson, son of the deceased Muppets founder Jim Henson. It was Disney's first feature film collaboration with the characters. The puppet film was narrated by bent-nosed Gonzo "a blue furry Charles Dickens" and his accident-prone assistant Rizzo the Rat. Rizzo provided helpful asides, anticipating young viewers' thoughts: "That's scary stuff.
Should we be worried about kids in the audience? The Muppets retold the familiar Dickens tale - Michael Caine portrayed live-action, miserly, mean money-lender and mortgage company owner Scrooge "Mr. He was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge: a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, clutching, covetous old sinner. He was happy about making even more money during the holidays:.
People preparing feasts, giving parties, spending the mortgage money on frivolities. One might say that December is the foreclosure season. Harvest time for the money-lenders. His staff of nervous rodent bookkeepers, including Bob Cratchit, had to beg to have Christmas Day off from work. He stated: "I do not make merry at Christmas. When Scrooge returned home on the eve of the holiday, he was first visited by two residents of the afterlife in chains - his former business partners Jacob and Robert Marley hecklers Statler and Waldorf.
As in the original story, they warned him to avoid the path that they had tread. They predicted that he would be visited or "haunted" by three spirits during the night, beginning when the bell tolled one. Scrooge was fearful: "Can't I meet them all at once and get it over with? Bitter old Scrooge was made cognizant of his evil ways and vowed to redeem himself "I, I will honor Christmas, and try to keep it all the year!
I will live my life in the past, the present and the future. I will not shut out the lessons the spirits have taught me! He decided to be kind to others, including the Cratchits, and surprisingly, he raised the salaries of his workers. In this dark musical-fantasy with incredible stop-motion animation designed for older children , Jack Skellington from "Halloween Town" entered a portal to "Christmas Town" and decided to celebrate the holiday by taking over the town's Xmas holiday - his obsessive wish ended in disaster when he assumed the role of the kidnapped Santa Claus delivering horrific gifts.
Tim Burton's and director Henry Selick's imaginatively dark musical fantasy and original yet twisted tale featured the technical brilliance of the stop-motion animated puppets and originally-composed songs by Danny Elfman - it was the first full-length stop-motion animated film, based on the parodic poem of the same name by visionary producer Burton, written when he was a Disney animator.
It had wonderfully-realized set designs -- such as the two holiday dream-worlds: the dark, Cabinet of Dr. The amazing opening was "This Is Halloween" performed by the denizens of Halloween Town spooks, goblins, ghosts, witches, skeletons, and other creatures, etc. The main character was a bored, depressed and skeletal Jack Skellington Chris Sarandon with Elfman supplying his singing voice , known as the 'Pumpkin King. Jack sang an existential torch song "Jack's Lament", while shy rag-doll Sally Catherine O'Hara , his future understanding and loyal girlfriend, eavesdropped on him in a graveyard, as he climbed to the top of a curlicue hill silhouetted by the full moon : " He had grown weary of his repetitive role as the Pumpkin King of Halloween Town's pagan holiday.
Then, his mood changed when Jack discovered, through one of many holiday portals Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. He delivered a show-stopping song-and-dance "What's This?
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Upon his return at a town meeting with Halloween Town's citizens, Jack described what Christmas was all about wrapped gifts, Xmas trees, stockings , including a red-suited man named Santa Claus interpreted as "Sandy Claws" with a reindeer sled. B ecause of Jack's obsession with trying to capture the town's jollyness, he requested that three devilish trick-or-treat children Lock, Shock, and Barrel go on a secret mission to kidnap the leader of Christmas Town.
The three contemplated their plan with the song "Kidnap the Sandy Claws" although their first mistaken abductee was the Easter Bunny! Sally with the power of premonitions came to warn Jack of his misguided plans "But it seems wrong to me, very wrong". He assigned her to sew him a red Santa suit. In the "Making Christmas" sequence, Jack assigned Christmas-type jobs to everyone in Halloween Town, such as making presents and building a sleigh, but was unaware that the citizens were making unbelievably frightening presents placed in gift boxes.
Jack's well-meaning but disastrous idea to kidnap the leader of Christmas Town put Santa Claus into jeopardy, when the kids took him to the evil gambler - the Oogie-Boogie Man Ken Page. Imposter Jack in a Santa suit commandeered a coffin-shaped sleigh pulled by reindeer skeletons as it returned to Christmas Town - he delivered scary Halloween gifts instead of Christmas gifts - there were images of terrified children opening up their horrific presents: "And what did Santa bring you, honey?
In the fantastic "Poor Jack" song, Jack realized his mistake and sang a torch song in an angel headstone's arms - lamenting: "What have I done? In the sweet, triumphant and romantic finale again set in the graveyard, Jack finally realized his love for Sally. He spied Sally stealing away to pluck petals from a flower on the top of the snowy curlicue hill, silhouetted by the full moon. He approached her, and while clutching his breast, he sang about his attraction to her: Jack: "My dearest friend, if you don't mind, I'd like to join you by your side.
Where we can gaze into the stars" Jack and Sally in union : "And sit together, now and forever, for it is plain as anyone can see, we're simply meant to be".
In the film's ending - the couple embraced in the light of a full moon and kissed, as Jack's ghostly pet dog Zero flew into the sky to become a sparkling star. Don't forget to read the fine print! Scott Calvin Tim Allen learns the hard way after accidentally accepting the role of Santa.
He deconstructs Saint Nick -- and reconstructs his waistline -- as a hapless Santa in training. Fictional city of Lakeside, Illinois, also at the North Pole. This family holiday-fantasy film and surprise box-office hit had the tagline: "No ifs or ands Just one big butt. It was the first of three films - two sequels also starring Tim Allen were:. During Christmas Eve in Illinois, innocent pre-teen, six year-old son Charlie Eric Lloyd was staying over at the house of his bitter father, year-old divorced toy company marketing executive Scott Calvin Tim Allen in his screen debut.
Neil Miller Judge Reinhold wanted to instill disbelief in their jaded son about Christmas - that there was no Santa Claus and that belief in St. Nick was only a delusion. They stated that "Santa was more of a feeling. More of a state of mind than an actual person. After a series of mishaps a burnt turkey and a trip to an understocked Denny's Restaurant , Charlie and his father Scott settled down to sleep with his bedtime reading of Clement C. Moore's The Night Before Christmas. Afterwards, they were wakened in the night when they heard noisy clatter on their rooftop caused by a trespasser.
Scott accidentally startled Kris Kringle "Hey, you! In a note card left at the site, there were instructions in the event that anything happened to Santa. The reindeer will know what to do. The finder was to don the red clothing, enter the sleigh, and continue rounds. Charlie thought his father had 'killed' Santa.
A reluctant Scott with initials the same as Santa Claus put on the red suit and was obligated to complete Saint Nick's deliveries before magically returning to the North Pole. There in a giant toy workshop, Chief Elf Bernard David Krumholtz explained that due to the "Santa Clause" phrase in the fine print on the note card, Scott had become the "new Santa" and accepted the contract when he put on the hat and jacket: "It means: You put on the suit. You're the big guy So now you're Santa, OK? Bernard described to Scott what would happen if he refused to deliver gifts to the children as Santa Claus:.
You see, children hold the spirit of Christmas within their hearts. You don't wanna be responsible for killing the spirit of Christmas, now would you, Santa? When Scott magically awakened the next day in his home, he and Charlie dismissed everything as a dream, although they had vivid memories of their night together. But the fact that he was becoming Santa Clause was evident, when Scott began to put on weight with a voracious appetite "I've gained 45 pounds in a week" from eating cookies with hot chocolate or milk, growing a white beard that resisted shaving, and adopting Santa-like behaviors commenting on those who were behaving "naughty or nice".
When Scott reported back to work in casual sweatsuit wear, he gave a faulty excuse: "The dry cleaner in my neighborhood went up in smoke. Some big chemical fire. All my clothes, poof, gone. Whittle Peter Boyle observed: "You're starting to look like the Pillsbury Doughboy," Scott explained his belly weight gain: "Bee sting.
Evidently I'm allergic. Almost killed me. But the guy at the emergency room says the swelling will go down.
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Charlie's mother and step-dad were worried that he had become delusional, so they had Scott's visitation rights with Charlie suspended. They became even more frantic when Charlie and Scott were whisked off to the North Pole for Christmas duties, believing that the boy had been kidnapped. However, everything turned out fine when a team of rescue-elves, the E. Effective Liberation Fight Squad , went to his rescue and freed him from jail.
After Scott's new identity was accepted, Nell and Laura began to believe in him, and she tossed restrictive custody papers into the fireplace. He can come back to visit you anytime, day or night. Neil and Laura received presents that they had always wanted but were denied as children, making them disbelieve in Santa : an Oscar Mayer 'Wienie Whistle' and a 'Mystery Date' board game.
Charlie shook the magic snow-globe, but then complained that it wasn't working. However, Santa floated down and announced that he was on his way to Cleveland. He offered to take Charlie for a "quick ride" on his sleigh around the neighborhood as the film concluded. In the final shot, the sleigh passed over a full moon - with a distinct Mickey Mouse profile on it it was a Walt Disney Pictures presentation!
All rights reserved. Filmsite: written by Tim Dirks. Search for:. Facebook Twitter. He began the voice-over narration: " But during his epic quest, he ran into opposition "You'll shoot your eye out, kid" from three groups of individuals in successive vignettes: his parents Darren McGavin and Melinda Dillon Miss Shields Tedde Moore , his elementary school teacher Santa Claus Jeff Gillen , a creepy department store costumed Santa There were many memorable sequences, often accentuated by Ralphie's vivid imagination: a "triple-dog dare" when schoolmate Flick Scott Schwartz got his tongue stuck to a frozen flagpole, necessitating a call to the fire department for rescue young brother Randy Ian Petrella hardly able to move in a constricting snowsuit on his way to and from school the bullying local neighbor Scut Farkus Zack Ward , who was ultimately pummeled by Ralphie's fists after being hit by a snowball in the face: "Something had happened.
It must be Italian! You'll shoot your eye out! Only I didn't say fudge" scene after Ralphie let loose with the "Queen Mother of Dirty Words" when helping his father fix a flat tire "Only I didn't say fudge. I said THE word. The big one. The queen mother of dirty words. The f, dash, dash, dash word" to his father's astonishment; Ralphie's punishment was to grip a bar of red soap in his mouth - he claimed 'soap poisoning' and imagined blindness Ralphie's fevered use of a Little Orphan Annie Secret Society decoder pen that he had sent away for by mail after weeks of drinking gallons of Ovaltine , and his disgust that the deciphered code words spelled out: "Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine" - he called it "A Crummy Commercial!
Son of a Bitch! I just hoped that Flick would never spot 'em as the word of this humiliation could easily make life at Warren G.
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Harding School a veritable hell" the final present on Christmas day - the prized BB gun, although Ralphie's spectacles were accidentally broken when the first shot outdoors at a target ricocheted into his face, and he cried out: "Oh my god, I shot my eye out! Sometimes at the height of our reveries, when our joy is at its zenith, when all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us"; after the hillbilly neighbors' bloodhound dogs consumed the Parker's Christmas turkey in their kitchen, the family was forced to have dinner Peking duck - "It's smiling at me" at the Chop Suey Palace Chinese restaurant - "That Christmas would live in our memories as the Christmas when we were introduced to Chinese turkey" ; the Asian waiters serenaded by singing an unintelligible version of Deck the Halls "Fa-Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra, Ra-Ra-Ra-Ra" After finally acquiring his prized gun as his last present, Ralphie narrated in voice-over the film's final line: "Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue-steel beauty.
Claus was informed by the eldest, long-white bearded and wise elf Dooley Burgess Meredith , the Ancient One, that he was prophesied as the "Chosen One" - he was given a tailored red suit, and immortality, with a mission to deliver gifts and toys to children around the world each year: "A prophecy has come to pass that there would come to us a Chosen One.
He was renamed Santa: "Now, all those within the sound of my voice, and all those on this Earth everywhere know that henceforth, you will be called Santa Claus. It also provided the origins of: the poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" aka "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" the tradition of cookies and milk the creation of a list of who's naughty and who's nice and checking it twice the invention of the snow globe The job of main 'toymaker' and Santa's assistant, after a competition, went to inventor elf Patch Dudley Moore , noted for 'elf' jokes and puns.
John Lithgow Evil B. Its tagline was: "The spirits will move you in odd and hysterical ways. Then, he bragged to his associates: I am the youngest president in the history of television for a reason. The ruthless Cross showed them a darker, more sadistic and terrifying alternative promo that he preferred with, in fact, no actual relation to Scrooge , with sensational narration and visuals concluding with an H-bomb explosion : "Acid Rain, Drug Addiction, International Terrorism, Freeway Killers. In a reconfiguration of the original story, he was first visited by his decomposing former boss and mentor Lew Hayward John Forsythe , the Jacob Marley character - a corpse imprisoned on earth, who warned: "If you don't change your ways, you're gonna wind up doomed, just as I am By film's end, he had an emotional change of heart - on air - accompanied by a deranged but inspired monologue at the conclusion of the live show when he urged the studio's cast and crew to care about each other: "I'm not crazy.
Northern Chicago suburbs in the town fictional of Shermer, Illinois Written by John Hughes with non-stop sight gags and one-liners, this hilarious comedy "Yule Crack Up" was the third of the National Lampoon Vacation series of films. I mean nippy out, ha, ha, ha. Huh, there is a nip in the air, though. You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced, because every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half hour or so.
So over at the VA, they had to replace it with plastic one. It ain't as strong so, I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic" - and Clark's unexpected streak of fire in the snow after announcing: "Nothin' to worry about, Eddie. Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record. Clark W. Griswold, Jr.
Remember, don't try this at home, kids. I am a professional" the traditional turkey meal preceded by 80 year-old Aunt Bethany's "Grace" the Pledge of Allegiance and the cutting into the bone-dry bird Clark: "If this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, I think we're all in for a very big treat! Shirley Brian Doyle-Murray , when he received - not an expected Christmas bonus check, but a one year membership in the Jelly-of-the-Month Club Eddie: "the gift that keeps on giving the whole year" in an angry rant, Clark suggested kidnapping Mr.
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Shirley as retaliation - "I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s--t he is!
Holy S--t! Where's the Tylenol?